marching band,
cruising streets,
sneaking smokes
‘neath stadium-seats
first-time love,
heart’s defeat,
death awoke,
brother sleeps
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Ms. Jenny is a sly one. Today's writing exercise was to use 16 words about being 16. I took artistic liberty and threw in a memory from when I was 19 as it was a significant event in our lives, and remains a tender spot to this day.
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16 comments:
well done and if I interpreted your poem correctly, sorry about the loss of your brother. When we are that young death seems to have a greater impact on our lives especially when it is someone very close to us.
wow...def can see that being a tender spot...sorry...and first loves can sting too...
That is a powerful piece as you note the usual and then beyond imaginable for a 16 year old!
only you could convey so much with so few words. brilliantly done ...
You were so young to lose a brother. Sad indeed. So much said in sixteen words.
I agree with Gems. There is great weight in this piece and much room for thought. I lost my brother when I was 12. Hugs to you.
Beautifully done. No prep for the ending, an O Henry touch with the shock.
Wow, there's a lot packed in those few words. Powerful.
great lead in, very sad honest ending
Wow, this is wonderful - such strong imagery and emotion and within a poem. I'm really impressed. Yours is my favorite.
xoRobyn
Yours is the best so far. Loved it. And sorry about your brother.
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Such strong images conveyed in these few words....sorry about the loss of your brother at a young age. :(
So much said in such few words!
So much said in such few words!
Polly, brava! What an excellent and moving piece!!
Polly! What tremendous work crafting...I loved this.
This was one of those gems that felt like an epic tale...and then you realize how short the word count actually was.
Just amazing.
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