Saturday, December 3, 2011

16


marching band,
cruising streets,
sneaking smokes
‘neath stadium-seats
first-time love,
heart’s defeat,
death awoke,
brother sleeps

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jenny Matlock

Ms. Jenny is a sly one. Today's writing exercise was to use 16 words about being 16. I took artistic liberty and threw in a memory from when I was 19 as it was a significant event in our lives, and remains a tender spot to this day.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don't forget to enter my Holiday Giveaway!
Click HERE.

16 comments:

beckyp said...

well done and if I interpreted your poem correctly, sorry about the loss of your brother. When we are that young death seems to have a greater impact on our lives especially when it is someone very close to us.

Brian Miller said...

wow...def can see that being a tender spot...sorry...and first loves can sting too...

Gems said...

That is a powerful piece as you note the usual and then beyond imaginable for a 16 year old!

Jo said...

only you could convey so much with so few words. brilliantly done ...

Daydreamertoo said...

You were so young to lose a brother. Sad indeed. So much said in sixteen words.

cj Schlottman said...

I agree with Gems. There is great weight in this piece and much room for thought. I lost my brother when I was 12. Hugs to you.

Bookie said...

Beautifully done. No prep for the ending, an O Henry touch with the shock.

anitamombanita said...

Wow, there's a lot packed in those few words. Powerful.

Christine said...

great lead in, very sad honest ending

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Wow, this is wonderful - such strong imagery and emotion and within a poem. I'm really impressed. Yours is my favorite.
xoRobyn

Sue said...

Yours is the best so far. Loved it. And sorry about your brother.

"/

Rek said...

Such strong images conveyed in these few words....sorry about the loss of your brother at a young age. :(

nimaruichi said...

So much said in such few words!

nimaruichi said...

So much said in such few words!

Judie said...

Polly, brava! What an excellent and moving piece!!

Jenny said...

Polly! What tremendous work crafting...I loved this.

This was one of those gems that felt like an epic tale...and then you realize how short the word count actually was.

Just amazing.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails