Hostage Heart: Alphabet Thursday/FF55 Offering

single golden thread

‘round our fingers wrapped

pulled taut

binding our

fragile selves

together

fraying strands

revealing truths:

yearning, thirst

isn’t always love 

rather attempts 

filling void

becoming aware

what glitters

isn't always gold

rather foolishness

flaking away,

hostage hearts revealed

tension breaks

once gilded strands…

spirits freed,

leaving fragment

forever fastened

upon each soul

The Letter H

What can you say in exactly 55 words?

Battlefield: A Flash Friday Offering

anxiety

declares war…

ego trips,

detonating

mines

planted within

emotions

clandestinely hidden

below

conscious thought…

sanity wounded,

embattled,

enslaved,

prisoner of war…

cunning enemy

masquerades

as gilded

bottles

bewildering 

captive victim

until courage,

strength,

empowerment,

found when,

out of desperation,

upon humbled knees

defeat's conceded

upon whispered prayers…

only then 

victory,

freedom 

come

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Parrot Dream

Photo Courtesy of Hideaway Farms Aviary

wasting away

imprisoned within

was he

plumage once

brilliant now dull

quite grey

how could she

have forgotten

glorious he?

morning’s light glints

off metal lock of

rusting cage

she takes note

memories rushing

guilt coursing

trembling she

attempts to make

amends awkwardly

placing wet offering

quenching parched,

aching thirst 

thinking he need

be grateful to she

this act of kindness

Instead he greedily

sucks dry, to his fill, 

and beyond

Horrified, she bears

witness to this

self imploding

this exploding,

bursting from within,

feathers flying

she was either

too late, or

not yet ready

to face fears

locked away

later realizing

what you feed

will grow beyond

all proportion

serenity found

by turning the key...

addiction set free

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The above free form poem is from a recently recalled dream I had when I was in my 20's (and in the throes of an eating disorder). I dreamt of a formerly beautiful parrot, locked within a cage. I had forgotten and neglected this bird for far too long. He was terribly emaciated, molting, no food or water to be found anywhere near. I gently placed a bowl of water within its cage. The bird eagerly lapped it up, but it was too much, too soon. It didn't know when to stop and ended up destroying itself. I was horrified. 

Fast forward 25 years. One morning last week I was at the kitchen sink. Something in the backyard caught my eye. It was a parrot! A large bird with green plumage and a crimson head. It looked just like the parrot that was in my dream. Fearing that the bird was lost I went outside to see if I could catch him, but he flew away. I haven't seen him since. 

Do the two things (one a dream/one a real occurrence) have anything to do with each other? I believe so. I feel that my God is telling me that the caged bird is now free...I have nothing to fear, not even surfacing memories. I am no longer on the path to self destruction but rather I am on the right path. I am exactly where I am meant to be as I continue to "trudge the road" towards my happy destiny.

Just Write: Tantrum

Temper builds 

deep within 

unknown place 

breaking chains 

releasing  

with rage 

resentment 

uncontrolled fury

“where in the hell 

did that come from?”

too late to 

reign control 

now cleaning 

sweeping 

sanitizing 

mess from 

aftermath 

of petulant storm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I Now Dream

I now dream

of magical things…

freedom to fly,

soaring to great heights

without wings…

standing my ground

against forces of evil

devoid of wand,

realizing true strength

comes from within…

being acutely aware

of mysterious power

effortlessly generating

life sustaining breaths

when submerged,

caught in currents

under depths

of ocean’s tides.

are these things

truly magical

or are they

seeds of the spirit,

planted, tilled

in soil of soul’s eden

as sun shines light

upon wreckage of past;

casting away shadows

of internal struggles

and lifelong fears,

of shame and

of self will run rampant:

decaying debris,

waste from years

of stinking thinking

becoming compost

for clarity, honesty,

open mindedness,

and willingness

to take root, 

sprout forth,

and grow,

harvested

in the mystical,

magical dreams

I now dream

Copyright 2011

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been one year, to the day, when I embarked upon a very special journey. Although it was promised (if I did the work), I remain in awe of the spiritual awakening that has become a part of my everyday life. I would like to thank my family and friends for their loving encouragement and support, but most importantly I pray prayers of thanksgiving to my God for it was His divine intervention and grace which led me upon this path. I am truly blessed. 

Alphabe-Thursday/Flash Friday 55: The Letter X

exposing heart

imbibing  

love’s elixir

extinguishing thirst…

becoming

unexpectedly intoxicated

with

exquisite desire…

extending hand,

transfixed by touch,

exploring,

exhuming…

extracting,

exposing

long exiled

emotions…

breath catches,

excitement builds

coaxing

explosive passion…

detoxing in matrix

of exceptional love;

exhausted,

flummoxed…

without words

to express,  

to examine

the inexplicable…

this complex

existence

caught within

paradoxical vortex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alphabe-Thursday: S is for Surrender

(Warning: the following contains subject matter that may be sensitive to some)


surrendering unto silence

in stillness of night…

slowly stepping

into room

my room 
sanctuary no more

he sits upon my bed

staring at my small frame

I feign sleep

he begins

stroking my hair

shutting, squeezing

eyes ever tighter

using his strength

to subdue me

into submission

tears streaming down

these cheeks

scarcely giving solace

to muffled screams of shame

scolding

blaming

seductress at six

then shushing me

saying that this

shall be our little secret

the little secret

ever since

stretching, swelling, spreading

enslaving me

unto its strangled hold

until now

seeds sowed so long ago

slowly rising

as snowy snippets

in dreams

and hazy memories

buying freedom as I am

...surrendering unto silence

in stillness of night

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A is for Anorexia

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

Looking in the mirror 

at the fat girl looking back 

mocking me 

making fun of me 

in all my beastly glory 

and I hate her 

because she is not perfect 

which is unacceptable

causing tears

and anguish

and pain 

that will not go away  

and I try to 

stifle that hurt

by withholding food 

for food is love 

and food is acceptance 

and I cannot 

and will not

accept the fact 

that those curves mean 

I am now a woman 

when I never had 

the opportunity 

to really experience 

childhood 

the way a child should 

for I was forced 

to grow up too fast 

and knew too many things 

other little girls 

should not know 

and I just want that pain 

to go away 

so maybe 

if I get smaller 

I will be rid 

of the imperfections 

that make me unlovable 

or better yet 

I will become invisible 

for I am not worthy 

to be loved 

the way a woman 

should be loved 

so I might as well 

just fade away 

to the point that 

I am able 

to be just be 

and possibly

discover 

the real me 

that has 

been hiding

in fear

for far 

too 

long.