A is for Anorexia

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

Looking in the mirror 

at the fat girl looking back 

mocking me 

making fun of me 

in all my beastly glory 

and I hate her 

because she is not perfect 

which is unacceptable

causing tears

and anguish

and pain 

that will not go away  

and I try to 

stifle that hurt

by withholding food 

for food is love 

and food is acceptance 

and I cannot 

and will not

accept the fact 

that those curves mean 

I am now a woman 

when I never had 

the opportunity 

to really experience 

childhood 

the way a child should 

for I was forced 

to grow up too fast 

and knew too many things 

other little girls 

should not know 

and I just want that pain 

to go away 

so maybe 

if I get smaller 

I will be rid 

of the imperfections 

that make me unlovable 

or better yet 

I will become invisible 

for I am not worthy 

to be loved 

the way a woman 

should be loved 

so I might as well 

just fade away 

to the point that 

I am able 

to be just be 

and possibly

discover 

the real me 

that has 

been hiding

in fear

for far 

too 

long.