Thursday, September 23, 2010

A is for Anorexia

(Image courtesy of Google Images)

Looking in the mirror 
at the fat girl looking back 
mocking me 
making fun of me 
in all my beastly glory 
and I hate her 
because she is not perfect 
which is unacceptable
causing tears
and anguish
and pain 
that will not go away  
and I try to 
stifle that hurt
by withholding food 
for food is love 
and food is acceptance 
and I cannot 
and will not
accept the fact 
that those curves mean 
I am now a woman 
when I never had 
the opportunity 
to really experience 
the way a child should 
for I was forced 
to grow up too fast 
and knew too many things 
other little girls 
should not know 
and I just want that pain 
to go away 
so maybe 
if I get smaller 
I will be rid 
of the imperfections 
that make me unlovable 
or better yet 
I will become invisible 
for I am not worthy 
to be loved 
the way a woman 
should be loved 
so I might as well 
just fade away 
to the point that 
I am able 
to be just be 
and possibly
the real me 
that has 
been hiding
in fear
for far 

Jenny Matlock


lissa said...

a sad but real perspective of anorexia, it's tragic to know this is how some girls see themselves but I hope some of them will back what they lost or thought to lose

Cheryl said...

You captured this so well I suspect you or someone has experienced this too. It's a daily struggle not to disappear.

Jackie said...

I like how you made your story long and skinny just like anorexia .

Jenn @ Youknow...that Blog? said...

Heartbreaking... :(

Brian Miller said...

oh this one was a punch in the sad...and so many suffer...thanks for being real...and for the encouragement today...

Rocky Mountain Woman said...

Wow, this one really made me think. I knew someone years ago who suffered with this terrible disease and it consumed her and her family...

Insightful and thought provoking stop this morning...

Viki said...

This is sad but so compelling. Your usual insightful, thoughtful Alphabe-Thursday. Loved it.

Steven Anthony said...


hugs friend ;)

Sue said...

Visceral in its impact. And tragic.


JDaniel4's Mom said...

This was so sad to read. It is such a struggle for so many. I hadn't thought about how they are trying to prevent looking like a grown up woman before.

Betty Manousos @ CUT AND DRY said...

Unfortunately Anorexia is a sad for one to experience. Love your deep thoughts ..very insightful, Polly.
Thanks so much for sharing it.

B xx

Terra said...

Wow, I have chills. I might even be speechless. I feel the tears burning in my eyes as I hurt for anyone/everyone struggling with these emotions.

gabe said...

Wow. . .it must have been hard to write some of that, but you did it amazingly well!!

Thanks for stopping by and you are right, when I read other peoples comments it really feels like eavesdropping, but I do it anyway!

Mumsy said...

This is sad, but fantastic, Polly! I can relate to this, as I look in the mirror and see someone else that I don't even know..

Tina said...

Hey Polly, my dear friend. You know that I know about this. Thanks for sharing your story. We all had ( never goes away) different reasons for doing what we did. But I've found that speaking it aloud and sharing it openly has been very helpful in the maintenance of my sanity. Your poem had visual impact, too. The lines got shorter and shorter as the battle raged on...Thanks for using your talent to help others understand.

The Blogging Goddess said...

Wow...I don't have much else to say. It was beautiful and haunting and sad all at the same time. You are a remarkable woman.

Teresa said...

So very sad. Unfortunately, this is a sad truth for too many girls. This is an excellent start to this round of Alphabe-Thursday.

Raoulysgirl said...

I can't even begin to tell you how close this comes to something that I could have written myself. You know, however, that my weapon was purging...but it's wielded the same way.

A sadly beautiful post...a little too close to home...a little uncomfortable...but sadly beautiful, nevertheless.

Red Couch Recipes said...

Wow, what a sad, but real, post. I have a niece that I think is dealing with it. When she said that it just isn't easy to eat, I thought there was a problem. Joni

J. Kwiatkowski said...

It's so horrific to watch someone you know go through this. There is something so essentially baffling about it, that it makes it difficult to understand as a disease. I am guilty of misunderstanding and even becoming angry at the signs. I suppose it is always frustrating to friends and family when they want to help, and don't know how.

Pondside said...

The mysteries of anorexia are so sad. Your poem says it all very well.
I was glad to see your blog open again!

Nessa said...

It's funny (not in a funny way) how being really fat sounds exactly the same.

Jo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jo said...

This disease is so very difficult for people who don't have it, to understand.... harder yet when you are trapped within the disease to understand because your vision is so distorted ...

the domestic mama said...

That was powerful.

Jenny said...






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