(Image courtesy of Google Images)
Looking in the mirror
at the fat girl looking back
mocking me
making fun of me
in all my beastly glory
and I hate her
because she is not perfect
which is unacceptable
causing tears
and anguish
and pain
that will not go away
and I try to
stifle that hurt
by withholding food
for food is love
and food is acceptance
and I cannot
and will not
accept the fact
that those curves mean
I am now a woman
when I never had
the opportunity
to really experience
childhood
the way a child should
for I was forced
to grow up too fast
and knew too many things
other little girls
should not know
and I just want that pain
to go away
so maybe
if I get smaller
I will be rid
of the imperfections
that make me unlovable
or better yet
I will become invisible
for I am not worthy
to be loved
the way a woman
should be loved
so I might as well
just fade away
to the point that
I am able
to be just be
and possibly
discover
the real me
that has
been hiding
in fear
for far
too
long.
26 comments:
a sad but real perspective of anorexia, it's tragic to know this is how some girls see themselves but I hope some of them will back what they lost or thought to lose
You captured this so well I suspect you or someone has experienced this too. It's a daily struggle not to disappear.
I like how you made your story long and skinny just like anorexia .
Heartbreaking... :(
oh this one was a punch in the gut...so sad...and so many suffer...thanks for being real...and for the encouragement today...
Wow, this one really made me think. I knew someone years ago who suffered with this terrible disease and it consumed her and her family...
Insightful and thought provoking stop this morning...
This is sad but so compelling. Your usual insightful, thoughtful Alphabe-Thursday. Loved it.
raw...real...haunting.
hugs friend ;)
Visceral in its impact. And tragic.
"/
This was so sad to read. It is such a struggle for so many. I hadn't thought about how they are trying to prevent looking like a grown up woman before.
Unfortunately Anorexia is a reality..so sad for one to experience. Love your deep thoughts ..very insightful, Polly.
Thanks so much for sharing it.
B xx
Wow, I have chills. I might even be speechless. I feel the tears burning in my eyes as I hurt for anyone/everyone struggling with these emotions.
Wow. . .it must have been hard to write some of that, but you did it amazingly well!!
Thanks for stopping by and you are right, when I read other peoples comments it really feels like eavesdropping, but I do it anyway!
This is sad, but fantastic, Polly! I can relate to this, as I look in the mirror and see someone else that I don't even know..
Hey Polly, my dear friend. You know that I know about this. Thanks for sharing your story. We all had (have...it never goes away) different reasons for doing what we did. But I've found that speaking it aloud and sharing it openly has been very helpful in the maintenance of my sanity. Your poem had visual impact, too. The lines got shorter and shorter as the battle raged on...Thanks for using your talent to help others understand.
Wow...I don't have much else to say. It was beautiful and haunting and sad all at the same time. You are a remarkable woman.
So very sad. Unfortunately, this is a sad truth for too many girls. This is an excellent start to this round of Alphabe-Thursday.
I can't even begin to tell you how close this comes to something that I could have written myself. You know, however, that my weapon was purging...but it's wielded the same way.
A sadly beautiful post...a little too close to home...a little uncomfortable...but sadly beautiful, nevertheless.
Wow, what a sad, but real, post. I have a niece that I think is dealing with it. When she said that it just isn't easy to eat, I thought there was a problem. Joni
It's so horrific to watch someone you know go through this. There is something so essentially baffling about it, that it makes it difficult to understand as a disease. I am guilty of misunderstanding and even becoming angry at the signs. I suppose it is always frustrating to friends and family when they want to help, and don't know how.
The mysteries of anorexia are so sad. Your poem says it all very well.
I was glad to see your blog open again!
It's funny (not in a funny way) how being really fat sounds exactly the same.
This disease is so very difficult for people who don't have it, to understand.... harder yet when you are trapped within the disease to understand because your vision is so distorted ...
That was powerful.
Powerful.
Visual.
Moving.
Sad.
Incredible.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
A+
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